The Losses That Often Get Ignored
Grief is an unpredictable ride. But there is one thing about it of which you can be certain: you will experience losses in your life.
In common usage, the word “mourning” usually relates to the death of someone close to you. In such a case, you grieve the loss of that person in your life. Though, less obvious—and less discussed—is the mourning you do for yourself. After all, your loved one is gone. You, however, are left to pick up the pieces. This can be a sad and frightening prospect. It leaves you to bereave a future that will no longer involve the person who has died.
However, there are other kinds of losses that provoke grief but are often overlooked. Consider some.
The Commonly Ignored Losses in Life
Relocation
This general concept may involve a voluntary move. In other instances, you may be pushed into a relocation. The reasons for this vary widely but often involve a job change or financial issues or being required to care for someone. In a more extreme scenario, you may become imprisoned which also causes a loss of freedom and reputation.
Leaving a place after you’ve laid down roots can be a disconcerting experience that causes intense but unexplored grief.
Work-Related
Changing jobs
Getting demoted or fired
Getting promoted
Retirement
Your job or career may become a big part of your identity. Any change, for any reason, can feel like a foundational shift. Which, in turn, can provoke feelings of grief. This category may also include changing schools, graduating, or dropping out.
Loss of Relationship
People get divorced or separated for myriad reasons. Both partners may strongly agree that it’s for the better. But this does not change the fact that we connect deeply with being someone’s partner or spouse. We identify as part of a couple.
So, to suddenly become single can feel like the proverbial rug has been pulled out from under you. And it's normal to mourn this loss.
Injury or Illness
Until you suffer an injury or get sick, you may take your health for granted. Losing that feeling of being healthy is quite a loss and provokes strong feelings of grief.
You feel vulnerable and lost. How long will I be sick or hurt? Will I ever get better? What if this happens again? You not only lose your health but you also lose some confidence.
Losses Caused by the Pandemic and Lockdown
You already know that a global health crisis will cause widespread sorrow and grief. But when combined with the piecemeal, ongoing lockdowns, it leads to some very daunting losses, e.g.
Safety and Security: When even a handshake feels threatening, you lose a sense of being safe and secure in the world.
Routine and Rhythm: You might be working from home while your kids learn virtually. The daily (hourly) routines and rhythms of your life have been upended and disrupted.
Social Life: Virtual meetings and gatherings are fine. But there’s no replacing face-to-face interactions. Humans are social creatures. We need hugs. Personal interactions are not optional.
The Losses Most Often Ignored
You can and do mourn for abstract losses, too.
Trust: If you’ve felt the sting of betrayal, you may never trust in the same way again.
Youth: Your younger years offer different levels of energy and curiosity and innocence.
Dreams: Bruce Springsteen once asked in a song: “Is a dream a lie if it don’t come true?” It may or may not be a lie, but it definitely is a loss.
Potential: Certain possibilities have a shelf life. Some opportunities, if missed, do not come around again.
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Amidst our losses, our tasks are to process them by grieving and to balance them with gratitude. A skilled mental health professional can make these efforts easier. You don't have to grieve alone. I invite you to reach out to us and find out how grief therapy can help.